What’s this? Is it– I mean, it could be? Yes, I believe this is a new post from the nonalcoholicstudent!
I know it’s been a while. I’m not going to sit here and make excuses. I’m not going to say that it’s been work or uni. More than anything, I’ve just had nothing to say and no motivation to blog. Every time I have sat down to write a post it has felt forced and futile, and with the lack of a large community-pool-type-thing, I’ve found it increasingly hard to gain traffic and so, the whole thing kind of just died on me for a bit (that and not being able to keep the app on my phone because my family seem to enjoy policing every little thing that goes on in my life – but never mind!)
But finally, I come to you now looking for solace and for a good ol’ rant. I’ve spent nearly two months at home and despite what students may say about enjoying a 4 month holiday, it’s really not all it’s cracked up to be. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job; I’ve been able to pick up several shifts which is great (and Lord knows I need the money) but what no one tells you about that massive holiday is that you’re now a completely different person to the one that left home nearly a year ago. In the run up to the holiday, you have this romanticised image of home in your head, which, if you’re anything like me, conveniently omits anything that irritated you.
Now, I’m not going to go into particulars but I have found living at home so difficult that I am almost disappointed when my shift ends at work because it means I have to go home. There are frictions that exist now that didn’t before I left: I’ve gone from having loads of space to no space, from loads of freedom to no freedom. I feel so restricted at home when I never did before.
I feel so ready to go back to York already, move into my new flat and just spend some time alone for a bit. But then I have the irritating problem of money: if I didn’t need to be earning so much money, I could reduce my hours again and move up to York now, but the reality is I do need the hours and so I have to stay at home (and, dear readers, I have looked into jobs at York but I only have maybe a month before term starts and for many, many reasons, a job in York won’t work for me).
I guess my problem is that I’m ready to actually be an adult. I don’t mean the kind of thirteen-year-old-self angst that just hates everything to do with home; I mean that I’m ready for something new. Home feels too safe and too regular and though I love the fact that I don’t really have to pay for anything here, that I don’t have to worry about water and energy, I also don’t get to experiment with cooking new things and trying new foods; everything is done by someone else’s timetable – regardless of whether it fits with mine – and I just feel that there isn’t really room for me here anymore.
I do apologise for this random ramble of what is essentially teenage angst, but I hope that we can all – at least on some level – relate to this kind of thing. I can’t wait to see you all again in the comments. It’s been so long!