Hello again my dear blogging chums. Now, are you going to bring up what just happened first or shall I? I’ve spent most of the day thinking way too many things all of the same time and my brain has subsequently turned to mush.
Now, as 30 or so of you will have noticed, my last post (which I have since taken down) was a cover, specifically me singing Ed Sheeran’s Perfect. It was a file that I had been playing around with on the Garage Band app for weeks and this morning, the urge came over me to post it on YouTube. I’m not entirely sure where that urge came from mind you, but on with the post!
This may sound incredibly angsty but as soon as I started editing the video and hit publish on YouTube, it didn’t feel quite right. I knew the cover wasn’t exactly my best work. The levels were off and the guitar was out of time with the vocals but that wasn’t it. The whole process of recording the cover was something I really enjoyed and, yes, felt like me, but as soon as I posted it on YouTube, something felt really forced.
I am at my most honest and my most articulate when I’m writing and even though I love recording – and Lord knows I can belt out Defying Gravity and The Wizard and I in the original keys – but that honesty and articulation wasn’t coming across in a YouTube video as well as it did in a blog post. So much to the disappointment of my squad-mate, Fran, I took the video down and felt immediately much better. I felt better because I had got the whole recording-covers-and-posting-them-on-YouTube thing out of my system and as soon as I returned to the keys of my laptop to write out this post, I knew I was where I needed to be.
So am I saying that I’m never going to post another cover every again? No. But for now, I will write. I will write because the act of writing alone is one of the few things in this world that make me feel like I’m being my genuine, most authentic self. I sometimes feel as though I’m a collection of different people, and depending on what situation I’m in, I will become a different person, play up to a different aspect of my personality that seems to fit the situation. But whatever lies at the heart of me, whatever sits at the center of all those different characters that exist inside my soul, that’s what comes out when I’m writing. Yes, I have a silly side. Yes, I have quite the ditsy streak at times. And those sides of my personality are sometimes all that people can see. They never get to see the intelligent side, the thoughtful side that I know only comes across in my writing and not in a YouTube video.
So for now, I think I’ll write.